What to Do When Your Child's Bedtime is a Constant Battle

Procrastination, crying, fighting, begging you not to leave the room. 1-2 hours in your child's room every night, trying to get them to sleep. Sound familiar? You're not alone! This is bedtime for so many families with toddlers and young children. 

The good news? There are some key moves you can make to turn your child's bedtime into a special time vs. a battle. Focus on these 6 things, and watch your child's bedtime transform:

1. Connection. Your child doesn't actually hate bedtime or sleep. What they dislike is that it's time to part ways with you. What our kids want most is to be with us! Build in some quality time together as the first part of your bedtime routine each night. This could be playing a game, coloring, building with Legos or Magnatiles or anything that your child likes to do. The most important rule? No phones allowed!

2.  A good bedtime routine. A quality and consistent bedtime routine is important for so many reasons.  It provides more time for you to slow down and connect with your child. It's also gives your child a predictable sequence of events that prepare and cue the body for sleep. Check out my blog post on bedtime routines for some ideas of what to include at every age. 

3. Clear expectations. Kids crave clarity and boundaries. It helps them feel safe and secure. Clearly lay out what you want bedtime to look life for your child. Walk through all the parts of their bedtime routine and talk about what it will look, sound and feel like on a successful night. 

4. Role Play. The best way to help your child get into a good bedtime groove is to practice. Role play the bedtime routine, getting into bed, falling asleep, what to do if your child wakes up in the middle of the night, what to do if he or she needs something, and anything else that you'd like to go a little differently. Not only will this help your child know what it is that you expect and how to solve any issues that come up in the night, it will let you see if your child truly understands how bedtime should go and what to do if a problem arises. You can also have your child be the parent and put a doll, stuffed animal or action figure to bed in just the way that he or she will go to bed. 

5. Consistency. This is the most important part! If you want bedtime to go well, you need to be consistent with your child's bedtime routine, with your expectations, with following through with what you say, and with how you respond if things go awry. When you are consistent, your child is able to understand what to do, and can adapt to a new routine and a new way of doing bedtime more quickly. When you waiver, your child isn't sure what to do and it also allows more room for procrastination and arguing. 

6. Stay Calm. Bedtime can bring a lot of heightened emotions for everyone! You are all tired and chances are that after a long day, you're looking forward to a littel time to relax after the kids go to bed. When your child starts to escalate, stay as calm as you can. If you escalate too, it will bring everything up, and there's a good chance that things will get worse. Sometimes, the best strategy is to say as little as you can. If your child is really escalated, a long, tight hug can really help to bring things down.  Remember: your child is looking to you to see how you are handling things so that they know how to process the situation as well. If you remain calm, they'll eventually find their calm, even if it takes a little support from you. 

Ready to end the bedtime battles once and for all?  Imagine yourself easily and joyfully putting your child to bed  in 30 minutes or less. Then you walk downstairs, pour yourself a glass of wine, and relax with your partner for a couple of hours before you go to bed. Sound good? Book a free 20 minute consultation with me and I'll share how we can totally transform your child's bedtime and sleep in just 2-3 weeks. 

Let's get your family sleeping!